Another

2014

The rainy autumn days, in the early darkened eves, when you sit there and rot like the leaves

Then where do you find yourself alive? In the present or in the past, you must be close to rive.

 Are you the one to erase my memories, and tell the others ‘this is what she sees’.

'In her mirror, in her mind, this is where the illness lies

Twisting her thoughts, and finding out alibis'

When you gaze at me, do you remember to see,

past the shadow, the dark silhouette, who is filled with fear and dread?

I, myself, am drowning inside my shell, it’s not a place, you ought to dwell

Though remember me in the sinister night, when the branches reach for you, and no glow is in sight.

‘cause by then your mind is whirling around, and your salvation of ignorance will be crowned

Untitled

Det sniger sig ind, jeg undertrykker

jeg undertrykker og undertrykker

men hvor langt kan man falde før man rammer

irrationalitetens virkelighed og vrangforestillinger

det pibler frem, sitre i mine hænder

mine øjne flakker, jeg ser ikke ud

men inden i, ser jeg min virkelighed

virkeligheden som jeg har kreeret kun for mig og dem

 De snakker, snakker, taler, hvisker, råber i stilhed

uret tikker, tikker, tik, tik, tig, tig, tigger

hvor er vi i tiden, i dagen der tikker forbi

tigger om opmærksomhed i form af følelser

der er mig fremmede, alt er fremmede

Unødvendige indvendige skuffelser

der bliver udvendige med tid

De og jeg, det er altid de og jeg

aldrig jeg

de er mit jeg

                  jeg er dem

GOODBYE, MY LOVE

 The room was almost done. He had been painting all day, It had to be perfect. He looked closely at the wall where the painting had dried. He smiled satisfied as he stepped back. The plastic on the floor stuck to his foot. He tried to kick it off, but ended up with the plastic almost tied around his ankle, it now revealed a little piece of the carpet underneath. Quickly he unraveled his foot from the clear plastic and covered the bare carpet. He walked to the center of the room and looked around. The corner at the window was not painted yet. He had been waiting for the dark. The time had almost come.

In the meanwhile he decided to go out in the small kitchen. The smell of the paint was everywhere, at least it covered the other smell perfectly. As he sat in the kitchen and starred at the sink, he came to think of her. She had been lovely. Carefully he took out the letter she had written for him, it had deep folds and the paper was turning soft. Earlier that day when he read the letter, he knew his decision had been right.

He opened his eyes and looked out of the window. The sun was just rising up. He was meeting her. Actually he wasn't meeting her, they did not have a date, but he had decided to find her. He had to end it. They had had a lovely time together, but now it was over. He got out of bed and put on his usual clothes, black fitted pants, a nice light blue shirt and his belt. He combed through his mid length dark brown hair while he carefully followed his movement with his eyes. Perfect. There were no furniture left in his apartment aside from his bed. He was moving out at the end of the month and had decided to get rid of everything. "New place, new things" he had said. He didn't bother to go out in the kitchen, he did not have any coffee, and he knew she would be at the café in about an hour, she always was. He put on his black coat and got out of the door. As he walked down the street he took out his little pocket calendar the date read March 17th. He nodded to himself, today was the day. He looked through the window in the café, there she was. He caught her eye and waved at her, she looked surprised but walked straight to the door where he stood while she smiled.

He walked back into the room. "Come here" he said "I'll take care of you" He stepped closer to her. He unwrapped her, the plastic had smeared the blood on her face. It was now completely dark outside. He walked over to the corner at the window and as he covered the last few blood stains on the wall. He thought about her and the last phrase of her letter. On the floor was an old news paper from March 17th, the headline read "Young girl commits suicide"

Afternoon Tea

It was late afternoon and the sun was turning orange through the curtains. He sat in his sofa drinking his favourite tea  and enjoyed the silence. The children played down in the basement, they had had a lot of energy today and tried to run around the whole house. He had tried to tell them that they were not allowed to hit things because they broke and couldn't be fixed, so he had sent them to the basement to play. He had only had the children for two weeks but he had hoped that they would have accepted the circumstances already. He had been looking forward to this for a long time, and now that they were finally here they didn't seem to share his excitement. It was difficult for him to understand, he gave them everything, toys, good food he had even told them that if they behaved he would buy them a puppy, but again they didn't seem to share his excitement. He poured himself a new cup of tea, two sugars and a splash of milk, skimmed. He stirred carefully and counted the turns 1, 2, what was that noise? He stopped stirring, the children were loud in the basement, he got up and went down the narrow hall way, opened the door and shouted: Quiet! they became silent immediately. He went back to the sofa and stirred 3, 4. The second cup of tea wasn't as good as the first. Why did they have to disturb him why couldn't they just play quietly. He was getting rather annoyed, they had been like this the whole day. Had he rushed it? Maybe he had brought them home too early. He looked at their pictures on the wall, Eleanor and Jack looked back at him with their big smiles. They were good kids. A loud noise suddenly came from the basement. Once again he got up this time he rushed to the door in anger and shouted: Shut up I said! He slammed the door. This time he brought the carefully folded newspaper back to the sofa. He read the date 8/9 1998, he shook his head. Lately they had made a lot of these mistakes it was 1994 as far as he was concerned. He decided he would call the newspaper tomorrow and tell them, surely he couldn't be the only one who had noticed. On the front page was a headline "Still Missing" and then two pictures of a boy and a girl. Poor parents, they must be devastated, he thought to himself. The two children had been missing for quite a while it was a very small town and for the past two and a half years children had went missing, and nobody seemed to be able to find them. For the third time a loud noise came from the basement, he quickly stood up, another loud noise, he rushed to the door, the noise came again. He grabbed his axe and opened the door to the basement: What is going on down here?! He turned on the light and found Eleanor and Jack trying to break the bars covering the windows. It went quiet. I can't believe this? He shouted. After all I've done for you?! They just stood there, frozen and starred at him with big frightened eyes. I risked everything for you! He stepped closer and as he raised his axe, they started to scream. Shut up he yelled as the axe hit Eleanor, Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, he kept going till there were no more screams from any of them. Then he came to himself, what a mess, he thought and wiped the blood off of his face. He took off his pants, socks and his jacket, there were no need to soil the whole house. As he went down the hallway to the living room he thought to himself that he had to find them, they had to be out there. His Eleanor and Jack.

The Window

I sat on my chair next to the small window, yet there still came bright rays of light into the room. I stretched to look down at the street. Down there people seemed to rush , there was always an awful lot of rushing, I thought to myself. As I sat there my mind started to wander. I slowly started to walk through the streets, it was warm, the sun almost broke through the skies, but only almost. It didn't matter, it was lovely, the faint light of sunshine made everything seem more magical. There was people everywhere, they were talking and laughing and not rushing at all. When I went to turn around a corner I bumped right into a person "Oh, I'm so sorry" I mumbled "That's alright" He said, and when I looked up I saw two big brown eyes looking down at me. I stood there for a while and starred right at him "Are you alright?" He asked rather worried. "I, I.. Yes I'm fine" I stuttered and was about to pass him when he stopped me "Hey, I'm not in a hurry, would you like a cup of coffee?" It was a little weird I thought to myself, but why not, so I agreed to go back around the corner and grab a cup of coffee with him. It was a very small coffee shop, dark wood on the floors and red velvet curtains covering the windows, so there was just enough light in the room so that you could still read the many coffees to choose from. I ended up having a cafe latté and felt very boring after hearing his order with long fancy words, but after seeing that his coffee looked exactly like mine I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter either way. We sat outside on the chairs which stood on the pavement it was a little hectic with all the people passing by, but he didn't seem to be bothered at all. We sat there and talked for a long time we shared stories and laughed, it seemed so simple, he was so easy to talk with. Afterwards he had to go to work, and asked me what I was doing later. Since I wasn't doing anything special, I agreed to meet up with him and his friends for a drink out in town. I spend the rest of the day walking around in the streets  looking through windows and watching people pass me by and trying to overhear their conversations. It all seemed so wonderful. At 7pm I met up with the man and his friend at the pub which was right across the dark elegant coffee  shop from earlier. The inside of the pub looked nothing like the outside it was sophisticated yet very casual. We sat in a small booth with just enough room for all five of us, the seats was covered in midnight blue leather and the tables was oval and made of something which looked like black steel, but it probably wasn't. The woman next to me ordered for all of us and when our drinks came it was a dark red drink. I must have looked rather scared because the woman quickly said "Don't worry darling, it tastes like cherries" and smiled with her dark red lips. As I took the first sip I closed my eyes and slowly the music faded out and all the talking and laughs went quiet. I opened my eyes and looked out of the window it was almost dark outside. I gazed into the room it looked like a prison. It was my prison. I closed the curtains and continued to sit in my chair.

Skinny is better

May, 2013

Skinny is better

And I’ll write you another letter

Once in a while,

When I can force a smile

Skinny is a wrecker

But no feeling is better

Than seeing the flesh disappear

And feeling the skin tear

When the bones are clear
All I see is eyes with fear
Oblivious, Ignorant, foolish


Why would you bother now
When you once made a vow
You knew you wouldn't keep
Pathetic, vulnerable creep

Skizofreni

På den sti hvor jeg går, er der tåget

Hvor langt frem jeg kan se, ved jeg ikke

Jeg har lukket mine øjne

Jeg vil gerne åbne dem, men jeg kan ikke

Lyset er for stærkt, det er foran mig

Jeg tøver før jeg går videre, jeg ved du er her nu

Jeg hører dig ved min side, jeg rykker mig for dig

Men du overtager det hele, mine tanker

Grenene snor sig i tågen, de griber ud efter mig

De er kolde og skarpe, flår min hud itu

Mine øjne er stadig lukket, jeg falder

Det er hårdt og vådt, jeg vil rejse mig

Men jeg kan ikke, de holder mig fast

Du lader mig ligge imens du står i stilhed

De giver op, jeg rejser mig og går videre

Børster gruset af min jakke

Jeg åbner mine øjne, der er en rude forude

Bagved den, er der mørke

Jeg kikker ind i den, du snakker til mig

Jeg er alene